Who Am I? Catch my train of thought and let's find out 🚂

November pretty much always ends up being a terrible month for me (maybe short-ass, dark-filled days are too much of a shock to the system!?) and when I end up doing a bit too much thinking. But that's me all over, really.

Anyway.

My relationship with lolita has changed a lot this year, and definitely for the better.

I used to use it to define me in a big way, and the reason behind that stems from a very negative adolescence. I found lolita fashion in my teenage years, and clung to it with both hands and made it the centre of my world-- an escape of sorts. As I got a little older, it became my main means of socialising and connecting with other people. I used it as a confidence boost and a way to block out the negativity of the world. But I'm in a very different period of my life now.

In a YouTube video at some point earlier on in the year, I discussed my observations on the current lolita climate, and how I felt disconnected from the community at large, which no longer felt like the cosy subculture of my teenage years. Since coming to a place of closure with all of that, things have changed for me. I began to see that there were so many other aspects of myself worth expressing, and that although lolita had been an important part of my life during some very formative years, it no longer needed to be my raison d'être. I stopped telling myself I was somehow "cheating" on lolita by spending time wearing other fashions, and re-connecting with my own personal sense of style. I re-evaluated friendships I held and asked myself just how deep they ran. If I were to leave lolita fashion tomorrow, who would still stick around? What would we have left in common? Who actually knows what I'm about? Who's even interested? I don't plan to leave lolita any time soon but it got me thinking about the level of superficiality in a lot of my interactions, and I realised I couldn't continue using the same social-, or by extension, life-model I had been sticking to for so many years. I realised I needed some more depth in my life.

A recent lounging around at home "coordinate".  It was nice to wear Princess Wardrobe after not having worn lolita at all for ages due to work, and general blah feels. Sorry I have no nice hi-res pictures to hand!

I was always drawn to old school Harajuku Bridge street snaps of the early noughties. The coordinates were often messy, with a ton of character and personality. The un-polished look speaks to me, and is so expressive of what I want in a fashion, of how I want to feel in a fashion. I want to feel like I can be myself unapologetically, with lolita merely being an ice breaker rather than a pre-requisite for someone to socialise with me. I lost my way a bit, without even realising. I go through these little periods of introspection every year, and they are so necessary. Sometimes, you need to check in with yourself and be completely honest about how you're doing and where you're at these days. Personally, I think I'm at a stage where I feel a sense of stagnation and the need to shake things up a bit. 

Moving forwards, I want to bring so much more to the table. As well as making sure my love for lolita remains healthy and intact by making sure my relationship with it remains wholesome, I want to talk more about the range of interests I hold, instead of limiting myself to a box that's becoming ever constricting as my life changes and progresses. I started this blog with no intention of it being a lolita-focused one, and if I'm honest with myself, I think it ended up going in that direction because it seemed like the easiest thing to do at times. I got into a habit of trying not to include too many things that don't have a direct connection to lolita. It's easier to get comments and discussion going on lolita-specific posts than the other interests I've discussed in the past. But why should I worry about numbers? I write because I enjoy it, not because I have any plans to become a professional blogger!  I ought to be a little less self conscious and just go with the flow!

There's things I need to write because... I need to write them. The desire is there, and I know I will feel better for having put my thoughts out there.

I have so many ideas and interests and there are a multitude of facets to my personality that I'm really excited to share. I hope you will stay with me for the journey. It's December and yet I feel a real sense of new beginnings. Well, nobody can say that 2016 was a year that stuck to the rules!

Me on an average chilly, makeup-less, squinty Saturday at home. I had just washed my car in the freezing cold at this point, Could barely feel my fingers, but it was therapeutic. 

Maybe I ought to re-introduce myself for a start. My name is Shalisa. I'm twenty-three years old. I have a degree in English Literature, and dream of being self sufficient via owning my own business. I run an online shop in my spare time, and have thus far posted out frilly undies and whimsical accessories to people in several different countries, had a collection of my designs for sale in a boutique, and had my first taste of convention seller chaos this past summer. I am so hungry for more of that indie brand life! I adore photography, and can often be found taking pictures of trees throughout the autumn. I am a witch, and regularly do rituals, cast spells, do tarot readings, and research on different spiritual paths as it keeps me feeling positive and grounded. My music faves include Fall Out Boy, Foxy Shazam, and The Darkness (who I plan on seeing live soon!) as well as a whole host of other rock, pop, punk and alternative shite. I adore alternative fashion, and sweet lolita is my main squeeze. My bit on the side consists of colourful vintage knitwear and clashing patterns galore. I'm an over-thinker with a passion for writing and a never-ending desire to be the best me that I possibly can. It's really nice to meet you. I hope this isn't a quarter life crisis!

To end, I'd love to hear from you: Do you ever go through these self analytical phases where you question your relationship with your hobbies/various aspects of your life? Have you ever taken a break from lolita/your hobby? Did it fix the problem?

Thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you next time (which will be soon! I will be bringing the festive cheer so get ready!) Take care until then, my lovely readers ❤