The Voice of a Black Lolita

Lockdown has been an experience. The world around me has been scary and chaotic, and my habits have changed to cope. I started off with the best intentions, with dedicated walks and bike rides for exercise and a change of scenery. But this past month especially, it has been difficult to find the energy to go out for more than the most essential errands. 

It's been difficult to hear yet more news of police brutality killing yet more innocent black people in a system designed to eradicate us. It's been difficult to hear the statistics, of how black people are several times more likely to die of Covid-19 than white people, and yet the government seem largely unbothered because to class my people as high risk would be to lose our labour that this country relies on to exist, as we are more likely to be key workers. What can I say? Life is pretty un-kawaii and I feel I would be doing not only a disservice to my community but also to myself by not even acknowledging this pain and trauma for the sake of maintaining a breezy, easily readable format on this blog. I would never have started a blog post like this in the past. But I'm a bit too long in the tooth to worry any more about making white people uncomfortable by talking about reality, and while I'm not expecting everyone around me to become a social justice activist, I do expect more than the deafening silence I've experienced from people who should absolutely know better. If you do not care about racial injustice then you do not care about me. End of. 

Sometimes I feel like giving up on having an online presence entirely. I don't get off on photo likes, follower numbers, and looking for some level of fame or notoriety. But equally, I cannot underestimate the importance of representation. I may be at a point in my life where I don't need anyone to tell me that I can be whoever I want to be, but I wasn't always like that, and there are still countless black people out there who aren't there yet.

When I started off in this fashion, I was one of maybe a handful of black people in the lolita community. My low quality YouTube videos from the channel I had circa 2011 caused me to receive a message I will never forget, from a black girl who genuinely didn't know that black people could wear this fashion, too. It was so unexpected for me; I didn't realise my channel with barely 100 subscribers could reach someone in this way and do something important. Years later, I was hanging out with some "friends" (all white) who began making fun of a black lolita YouTuber for saying that she wanted to be an inspiration to other black girls out there. They found it hilarious; how could this upstart believe that her YouTube videos be inspiring anybody when we all know that race doesn't matter, right?

Another incident found my white, lolita ex best friend complaining about the fact that it wasn't fair that a black girl had been chosen to model for Metamorphose at a London lolita event. She didn't see anything wrong with saying that "they only picked her to seem PC" in my presence. I would read her blog where she'd try to portray an image of being a kind person who was a great friend and socially aware when she was anything but, until I couldn't keep up the facade anymore. I deserved so much more than walking on eggshells while hurt ravaged my insides for the sake of sparing white people the truth that if they are not actively anti-racist, then they are perpetuating racism and benefiting from it by default.

I considered not posting pictures of myself to end this stream of consciousness, but I do still want to share the happy moments, because black shouldn't have to be synonymous with pain and suffering. I desperately want everyone to step up for black people so that we get to tell more happy stories, get the opportunities we deserve, hear about wonderful black achievements, and see more photos of black people beaming with pride because they are thriving at whatever it is they do. My voice is important. We've read those quotes about how existing as a member of a marginalised group can feel like this radical, political statement, because society doesn't want us to survive, and it most certainly doesn't want us to thrive. So here I am. Surviving this pandemic. Dressing in my favourite clothes to work at home in a job I love (and doing really well at if I do say so myself, even in spite of everything I'm up against in this world).

Outfit RundownHeaddress: Bodyline
Blouse: Vintage Primark I think
Jumperskirt: Pup in a Cup- Btssb
Socks: Bodyline
Cloud Telephone: Vintage Emerson. Gives me Prince "Raspberry Beret" vibes.

I need to take some time for rest and self care. That much is obvious; I am tired and I cannot be in battle mode all the time. But I am not going to let this society destroy me, silence me, and benefit from my efforts while chewing me up and spitting me back out. Not without a fight.

Thank you for reading. Stay safe out there, and please consider the black community at this time if you are not part of it yourself. Black lives matter, and I will say it until the world finally believes it. Will you?
https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/#

Lolita Fashion Online Shops in the Early 2000s: Metamorphose

I love e-commerce. The novelty of being able to browse the wares of clothing brands in far flung places never really wore off for me. Many times in my life when dealing with stressful things, I've found great comfort in doing the online equivalent of window shopping, viewing e-commerce sites as museums to explore. I've never been much of a spender or impulse buyer, so this has always been a safe hobby for me! This was a particularly fun pursuit for me late in secondary school, when I used to dream of wearing these whimsical, frilly pieces one day, and I would feverishly scour every inch of the websites of Baby, The Stars Shine Bright, to Angelic Pretty, to Moi-même-Moitié and beyond to western brands like Candy Violet and Hong Kong's Anna House. Bonus points if the sites had fun or quirky web design elements.

The internet is undoubtedly the cornerstone of the lolita community. The vast majority of us would never have discovered the fashion, or been able to acquire it were it not for the internet. From as far back as the 1990s, lolita fashion has had an online presence.

I've been going through Wayback Machine archives in an attempt to see what online shopping would have looked like for those early lolitas, but much of what's available consists of dead links and broken images. Despite this, I did manage to find some gems, namely from Metamorphose temps de fille!

Metamorphose temps de fille
Meta were the first of the main sweet Japanese lolita fashion brands to ship overseas, starting in August 2002*, and I appreciate them for that. I've always considered them to be ahead of the curve, and never afraid to do something wild or different, with little regard as to whether or not it's "trendy." I don't think the brand gets the credit it deserves for its role in forging the idea of self expression in what is otherwise a rather regimented fashion style, and its openness to creating pieces in a range of sizes, lengths, and comprising of many adjustable elements to suit any figure. Get it, Meta.

With this as my starting point, the earliest pages of their site I could find with working images date back to 2001, nearly a full two decades ago!

Welcome to the Metamorphose landing page in spring 2001!

I find the main photo unsettlingly voyeuristic and hilarious in equal measure! No polished photoshoots to be found back in those days. What we have here is a brand that was a lot more raw, straight to the point, and just getting started. Metamorphose was only founded in 1997, so it makes sense for it to still be finding its feet in terms of online marketing material in 2001. Plus, the internet itself was relatively new then. Everyone had dial-up connections, and web design was in its infancy. With all these factors taken into consideration, it doesn't look too bad!

Note the beginning date of the website: 7th July 1999! 

Some of the dress photos wouldn't load, so presumably were not archived, but we can still get a strong idea of the navigation of the site. The catalog was not as vast as we've come to expect from the main Japanese brands now, but there was still some good variety, and likely there were more pieces available in the physical store.

One of the recent releases for that year. It's quaint, covered in the raschel lace we went on to deride later on, and has a full back button detail that I'm surprised hasn't been done more often. It stirs so much nostalgia for me, as so much of the lolita (and attempts at lolita) I was exposed to in the late 2000s when I was first getting into the fashion was very much in this vein. You occasionally still see dedicated old-school lolitas wearing this now sought after gobelin piece.

Over the next few months the website background colour was changed to pink. The background colours of photos and product page layout were not particularly cohesive, and the product descriptions minimal, but clearly they got the job done, and I can only imagine how excited budding lolita enthusiasts at the time would have been to sit and sift through the store's catalog, which included the accessories we've come to know and love.

 The typical layout of the product pages. We have an image or two of the product up top, then a very basic product description below. The knee high, lace topped sock will always be an iconic look. 

It's hard to see much in the way of detail in these images! A lot of trust would be necessary to order these products without seeing them in person first. 

I remember when chunky, calf height boots were commonplace. It's funny when looking back at what was considered lolita footwear, and seeing such a huge absence of bows, and strappy flat shoes.

More chonky shoes, this time with wooden style soles and a scalloped lace design. This huge contrast of black and white wasn't viewed with the "ita" judgement we'd perhaps give it today!

Speaking of ita...

Not even my most rose-tinted glassed will have me singing the praises of this headdress. While some of the current old school lolita devotees have come to appreciate this style of lace, I simply cannot. The association I have between this and the net curtains everyone seemed to have in their house when I was a child is too much for me (no shade if you love the appearance of headdresses like this, though!)

If we skip forward just a few years to 2004 (which, incidentally, was the same year that the film adaptation of Kamikaze Girls was released!), things look much more how we've come to expect from a sweet lolita brand.

Pastel pink backgrounds, and a professional model photo. The web design is more complex, and the navigation comprehensive. One of the cool things about this landing page is that a different photo would appear each time you refreshed!

When I look at these pictures, I notice there must have been a much bigger emphasis on creating a doll-like look when posing, which you can see in the stiffness of the final two poses. While I've always shied away from any kind of link between wearers of this fashion and being a "doll", I can't help enjoying the attitude in these photos that seems to say "I may be cute, but come any closer and you will regret it!"

Let's take a look at more dresses...

Very much in the throes of old school lolita, but the pieces look more polished and cohesive. I love the simplicity of lolita pieces during this time. It's refreshing to see 100% cotton fabrics and straightforward designs that one could wear casually on a day to day basis. That's my favourite kind of lolita and Meta has done it so well over the years!

I couldn't very well include screenshots of every single page, but you get the idea! It was a simpler, more raschel-filled time that I can't help but look at in wonder. I've enjoyed having a look through the different older pages I could find from the brand, and implore you to do the same for your favourite sites. It is so interesting to see the gradual change and development of different brands over the years, from the pieces that were considered contemporary, to the very vision and how it can shift in reaction to the time period.

It may be too soon to tell, but I can only imagine that this very chaotic moment in history will inspire so many changes in fashion as we know it!

Do you enjoy looking at e-commerce archives? I'd love to hear about your own web archive adventures. Thanks for reading, and see you next time ❤

* 'Leading the Way West: An Interview with Metamorphose's Own Kuniko Kato'. Gothic & Lolita Bible in English, Summer 2008, p. 108

My First Time Vending at MCM London Comic Con!

A month after the fact seems like the perfect time for me to tell you all about my experience of having a stall at MCM London Comic Con! This is going to be a long post so make yourself comfortable!

Being the largest pop culture convention in the UK, I knew this was an event I needed to try my hand at eventually, but over the years I kept putting off fully immersing myself into becoming a convention trader. There was always some excuse: too much studying to do, not enough capital to invest in my business properly, working full time at other things and thus having no time or energy to devote to improving my brand... but this was the year I had a lot less obstacles standing in my way. It was time to make the most of it and in July, I secured my table.

I spent countless hours researching, sewing, crafting, sourcing materials, developing new products and gathering together everything I might need for a convention of this size. I got myself sorted out with a business bank account and new SumUp card reader; it was time to take things seriously, and stop writing off my brand as a mere casual hobby. 

Before I knew it, October had rolled around and the final days leading up to the event were going by so quickly. The day before I was due to head off to the Excel Centre to set up my stall, I was still frantically making products!

Day 0

On Thursday 25th October, with the beginnings of a cold coming on, I set off with a suitcase, large tote, and weekend bag in tow, and somehow made my way across London to the Custom House stop on the DLR with the help of my partner who met me on the way at Waterloo. I hadn't been to MCM since 2011 and I couldn't help feeling a little nostalgic as I stood under the canopy outside the venue once more.

Sign up was straightforward, and then it was straight to my designated table to get things ready in the very chilly North Hall. My table neighbour was there already, an artist named Abdul. He was from Australia and was amazing company and good fun for us over the weekend!

Set up, complete with regulation hi-vis jackets, took a couple of hours in the end; I had never had a 6ft by 4ft space before, nor had I ever had so much stock so it was mainly trial and error.

We decided to finish putting the clothing up in the morning, and headed off to our airbnb for what was an absolutely diabolical night's sleep in a dusty basement room on a mattress that felt like a brick. Our previous Airbnb host cancelled on us mere days before the event, so this was the next best thing. It sucked. We ordered a pizza and tried not to sulk too much.

Day 1

Despite being drained and sleepy, we were very excited for day one. Friday 26th October was a very chilly day, and after arming ourselves with a McDonald's breakfast, we set off via bus to the Excel Centre to finish set up and take a moment to admire the finished stall.

I couldn't help feeling so proud! This was the first time my stall has ever really looked the way I wanted it to, and had a stock level that felt "enough", unlike at previous events where my table looked quite bare. Yes!

I went for a simple outfit with my Btssb tartan jumperskirt, plus a beret and choker from my brand. 

My partner has a shiny new phone that likes to make gifs. I'm ok with it.

That first day, sales were regular though it wasn't super busy as it was only the Friday. Still, I had quite a few customers and a lot of enthusiasm towards my products, which was lovely to see. I even sold a black Cherry Print skirt which left me shaking with happiness afterwards. There really is nothing like having your work appreciated in person. 

The vibe of the event was very lively, though very different to my last experience as an attendee in 2011. The direction seems to be a lot more corporate and the layout is very different to how it used to be. I hope there will always be a strong indie trader presence, though, as I think we add a lot of value, heart, and quirkiness to the event that big corporate booths could never replicate!

With Day 1 over, I was in good spirits, having absolutely smashed my abysmal sales at Hyper Japan Festival 2016! Clearly, MCM was the right place for me.

After we packed up the clothing and covered over the stall for the night, my partner and I headed to the nearest Tesco to pick up something for dinner and some fixings for packed lunches for the following day as we'd been forced to buy  overpriced convention food this time round (the two hotdogs we had were pretty nice but not £13 nice, haha). The shop was crammed with convention goers, many still in their cosplays! After this, we caught a bus back to our Airbnb for another uncomfortable night's sleep where I was dosed up with Lemsip to control my cold symptoms.

Day 2

Saturday 27th October was absolutely insane. Oh my goodness. I have never been so busy at an event in my life and the rush was actually quite invigorating. Things kicked off with us missing the bus and arriving as the event was due to open. We needn't have panicked, though; lots of other vendors hadn't arrived either and the con-goes were pretty slow to make their way through the hall.

I was glad I made the decision to not wear anything intricate in the end (my Lazy Oaf dress and top were so comfy!) as we were constantly rushing around behind the stall to replenish sold stock or handle transactions for customers. A lot of people wanted to pay by card which made me so relieved to have bought my new card reader, but phone signal at the Excel was pretty bad during peak traffic. There was an agonising 5+ minute wait for one transaction to go through that honestly gave me the sweats, haha. Thankfully, customers were very understanding and patient. Well, most of them were pleasant.

Your fave kawaii shopkeeper.

I won't forget my encounter with an American guy who bought 7 hair bows, and proceeded to try to find out where I was staying for the weekend, and what I would be getting up to after the convention because he's "really into partying" and thought we should get together... I'm sure you know where this was going. Despite me making extremely obvious I was in no way interested, he remained very insistent about me giving him my instagram handle, and wouldn't leave as he'd decided we should exchange info first. In the meanwhile, my flipping partner of over 6 years was busy dealing with a customer behind the table (I was beside the table at this point) and I couldn't make eye contact. As soon as this creep was gone I immediately went onto instagram and blocked him. What made the situation more uncomfortable than it needed to be was the fact this was a customer, and this was my workplace. I found myself wondering during this painful encounter, if I'm any more blunt with this person, will they try to be spiteful and do a chargeback on the purchase they just used their card for? It put me in an unfair position where they had leverage. Moving forward I have a better idea of how I'll handle harassment like this if it happens to me again. It left me feeling really irritated and quite sour for a while afterwards until I realised I shouldn't be angry at myself for someone else's completely inappropriate behaviour.

Anyway. The rest of the day was really good! I sold a ton of earrings, and my new choker line did way better than I was expecting. Berets were flying off the stand, and I had never felt more confident in my product before. The most exciting thing was multiple people coming to my stall to say they followed my instagram. Considering my practically non-existent online following this was such a pleasant surprise! I ended up making friends with a fellow trader whose table was on the other side of the hall. The ease with which I was able to talk to everyone was great, and it felt like we were all part of a little community. 

The day came to an end at long last after pages of sales in my little notebook log. During my chats to fellow vendors, my partner covered over the stall for me, and then we headed off for Tesco again to grab something for dinner. Back at the Airbnb, our host talked at us for ages about going to a farm near Guildford that day to pick pumpkins and squashes. It was very awkward as she basically had us cornered in the kitchen when all we wanted to do was eat and turn in early. Still, she gave us a slice of carrot cake each for our troubles and all was well... until she began making loud cat noises to herself in the otherwise silent kitchen. I will never forget the two of us slowly turning to look at each other in complete incredulity while our host continued making a series of meowing noises while she prepared vegetables for her dinner. We made an excuse to leave and practically ran to our room and locked the door. Bedtime could not have come soon enough.

Day 3

So, Day 3. We were absolutely cream-crackered by this point after yet another terrible night's sleep in our naff little basement room. Sunday 28th October started off with me feeling incredibly nauseated. I genuinely did not know how I was going to get through the day. That is, until table neighbour Abdul gave me some mint chocolate biscuits. I now think of these as being made of magic because my nausea immediately subsided after eating just one, and I felt so much better. I was so lucky to have ended up next to someone so kind that weekend!

Sunday mimicked Friday in a lot of ways, though this day was definitely more of a family day. I saw so many parents with pushchairs, and there were a lot of small children to keep an eye on as they had a habit of wanting to grab everything on the stall, especially as most of what I sell is colourful and enticing, haha. I also had a few of the rude, middle-aged mums I had back at Hyper Japan-- the sort who made fun of the products and thought it necessary to dramatically ask why on earth they'd wear something like that. Right in front of me. I think I'm going to start asking people like this why they think it's OK to make fun of someone's work while they're standing right there. On this occasion, I mainly just stared at them until they noticed my expression (but pretended not to) and walked away. 

There were a few people who I'd seen having internal struggles over the weekend, not-so-subtly walking up and down past my stall multiple times before finally making the commitment to purchase on the final day. I also saw people over the weekend wearing items they'd bought from me, which made me smile every time. 

The Sunday look consisted of more Lazy Oaf, plus a Btssb cutsew. 

As the day wrapped up I could finally have a flip through my sales book and see not only how much money I'd made (enough to cover my costs I'm happy to say!) but also which items sold the best. In terms of quantity, people really went wild for the earrings! The price point seemed to work well for the convention environment, and I'd worked hard to choose charms that were a bit different to what other people were selling. Other favourites were hair bows and berets. I think the cold weather really helped me to sell the latter and I actually ran out of the black colourway, which I think may have caused me to lose out on a couple of sales. It was a huge learning experience, but for the first time, it seemed like I'd really found my feet in this whole small business thing. 

I really took the time to professionalise everything, from getting custom jewellery backing cards printed, to having a more dynamic layout with clear pricing. It absolutely paid off and I know for sure this is the direction I want to take my business in. I will most certainly be back at MCM London Comic Con for the spring show in May next year, and I'm already looking forward to it! I will be commuting from home this time, though, because when all's said and done, Airbnb didn't save me much commuting time, stopped me from getting any rest during a time when I needed it most, and meant I had to subsist on junk food for four days. Just one of those life lessons learned, I guess.

Just after they announced the convention was officially over!

On Sunday night I slept like a log; not even the uncomfortable bed could keep me awake after an evening where I was hit with a terrible fever that left me a crying mess. My partner ordered us McDonald's via UberEats as it was way too cold (and frankly quite a scary neighbourhood where we met two druggies over the weekend) to venture back outside. I was well enough to travel home on the Monday but since then, I've not been 100%. I spent a few weeks with a rubbish virus, and am now left with a residual cough that won't leave. The usual November thing, I guess.

Despite all this, the experience was so worth it and I've been such a fidget ever since because I'm so hyped to do another convention. Stepping out of my comfort zone was more rewarding than I could have imagined. So many more people now know about my brand, and having people completely new to what I do buy items with no hesitation was an indescribable feeling. 

If you managed to get through this incredibly long and rambly post then thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed my account of this very hectic weekend!

See you next time! ❤

🌸 Saint Aymes, the Cute Floral Café 🌸

This post will be about a day out that is hard to believe happened way back at the end of March! Where is this year going?

On Saturday 31st March I headed into London to meet up with Reina and Memz, to try out Saint Aymes, a café I'd been hearing a lot about due to its pretty decor and pastel desserts. It was a rainy day but was fairly mild, and the occasional bursts of sunlight made things feel atmospheric!

The café is situated fairly close to Paddington Station, in what we ended up describing as a "strange area." The place had a stuck-up, quiet air, and despite not exactly being far from central, it felt worlds away.

Once we'd all assembled at the café we were led downstairs to a further seating area and the friendly staff took our orders. We'd all come dressed in appropriately pastel, Easter themed outfits, and it only seemed right to try out the Easter cupcakes on offer!

All the choices looked heavenly and looking at this picture is making me want to go back!

Look at the little bunny ears peeping up through the grass frosting! This cake was super yummy!

Reina and Memz went for the little biscuits and they after sampling, I can confirm they were delicious, too. We also did a three way split of the pink unicorn latte which was... not the best, gold leaf, or no gold leaf!

Super cute, but underwhelming! We regretted adding the coffee and not simply enjoying it as a milkshake instead! I don't think any of us were that bothered, though, as the overall ambiance in the café was really quite lovely. On this day the playlist had lots of mid-noughties hits and generally fun music we found ourselves bobbing along to.

It was great to catch up with them and hear what was going on in their lives. I was recommended to try watching RuPaul's Drag Race. I've still not gotten round to it. After the hype about it everywhere and this huge build up, I guess I'm worried it won't live up to expectations!

I love this photo from Reina's phone! Reina went for super girly, almost hime gyaru look, and Memz went for her usual wacky style, coordinating pink with yellow most effortlessly.  I still have that habit of pretty much always wearing black but this was quite a pastel, different look for me, I think!

Naturally, we had to take some photos outside the café, too!

I accidentally ended up matching the flowers!

After we had our fill of photos, we headed off into central to areas with a less bizarre atmosphere... although I have to say, Dover Street Market was quite the experience for me. It was my first time going, and while it was super cool to see some designer brands in the flesh that I'd always admired online (Molly Goddard's pieces are so beautiful!), the overall vibe in there was incredibly odd. Our favourite find of the day was probably the short sleeved men's shirt made out of thick plastic bag material. Guess how much it was. I won't keep you hanging: £600. #fashion

Overall, I had a really lovely day, which was rounded off by a trip to Farm Girl café on Carnaby Street for the hipster staple that is avocado toast. Before we knew it, it was well into the evening-- which explained why we all felt so inexplicably exhausted!

I love days like this where you forget what time it is and can drift around merely enjoying one another's company. I'm looking forward to hanging out with them again, and trying more London cafés,  of which there is always something fun or unique to choose from!

Thank you so much for reading this Easter throwback post! Have you had any fun experiences recently at themed cafés? Ever found strange designer items that looked like they were made in a primary school art class? I'd love to hear about it!

See you next time! ❤

😴 Hibernation and Transformation ✨

January is without question the hangover of the previous year for me. I never have any motivation, the momentum of Christmas and the New Year have burst, and nobody really wants to do much of anything because they're broke after splashing out over the festive period. And so, I generally find myself going into social hibernation! Still, a "hangover" usually suggests you really went in hard on something, and boy did I do that with 2017. I don't think I'd ever felt more alive and while it seems to have set me back a little health wise, it was so, so worth pushing myself to have what ended up being a beautiful, transformative time spent with people who inspire me every single day.

💫     💫     💫

My last post (which was woefully long ago, back at the start of December) was actually an account of a day in November. I never actually got round to talking about the Christmas period, which is a shame as it was a lively, positive time.

I spent several days hanging out in London with my partner, where we did a ton of shopping, tried some new food places, and generally enjoyed one another's company in our favourite place to be. We visited our typical haunts like Soho so we could pop into the Lazy Oaf shop, but also hung out in Camden, which I've not done for years, and visited a super cute boutique called Sister Jane on Portobello Road. That was a wild one and I wish I took pictures there because the shop was accessed down an alleyway, and then up a long fire escape into a converted chapel building, set on two levels. Really cool place!

In Lazy Oaf, which had a soft, dreamy installation during December!

I was pleased to be able to cross the adorable Peggy Porschen café off my list, even though by the time we made it there it was dark and pouring with rain outside. Still, it didn't stop us from sampling a slice of their cake, which I've heard so much about through Instagram. I can confirm it is really lovely, and I'm looking forward to going back when warmer weather comes so I can really enjoy the experience and not have to dash back to a hotel room in the rain to sample it in less than aesthetically pleasing conditions.

So many gorgeous cakes! We went for the lemon, rose, and raspberry layer cake and it was heavenly.

💫     💫     💫

The fact we're already two months into the year (which I can't even call the New Year anymore, really!) is a little scary, and I feel like there's so much I want to do and need to get a move on with. For one thing, my business space needs an upgrade. I simply cannot expand my brand in the way I'd like to while working from my bedroom, so I've been trying to put plans in place so I can have an actual studio space where I can be productive, instead of having my supplies spread out in various cupboards in different rooms, and no set working area. 

I want to release my cherry collection and actually do the things I set out to do ages ago, but simply haven't been able to due to various misfortunes towards the end of 2017. I still haven't figured out how I want to approach things when it comes to selling at conventions (the larger ones are just so expensive and my less than profitable Hyper Japan experience in 2016 makes me wary) but I know it's the logical way forward.

It probably looks like I spend all my free time at that shop but I swear I don't, haha.

Fashion wise, I don't have much of a shopping habit for someone who adores clothing, but it's felt good to actively tune out of the releases from my favourite brands, and try to look at my current collection with a fresh pair of eyes. I've been getting more and more into developing my own style outside of the framework of lolita, though that fashion will always remain close to my heart and still makes regular appearances!

Bury me with that AP bag tbh.

There's pieces I don't tend to wear very often that have been fun to dig out and style in ways I've not tried before. I find as the years pass, I feel less inclined to be involved in having this fast growing collection, or buying releases as they come out. I don't feel pressure anymore to keep up with other people and the limitations of not constantly having new pieces to coordinate outfits with has been  a refreshing challenge for my imagination. I do get the odd new thing sometimes (the purple Monki cardigan above was my anniversary gift!) but it has to be something that feels completely right, that I know I'll be able to coordinate in endless weird and wonderful ways.

Lately I've been documenting my daily outfits for work on my instagram stories. I find that the act of taking a picture of an outfit gives me the motivation to keep up with making interesting looks each day, and I'm really enjoying that little burst of creativity, which breaks up the monotony of dull days in the office.

So... that was a rundown of some of the things I've been up to lately, and some thoughts on where I'm at right now! How have you been finding the past couple of months? Do you thrive in chilly weather, or do you crash and burn at the start of a year like I do!? I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I've missed you while I've been away from here!

Thanks for reading as ever, and see you next time ❤

Catch Up Post: The Minori Tea Party 🍰

Hey everyone!

Seems like such a long time since I updated here! I ended up getting ill for an entire month (I'm only just getting over the last of a dry cough!) which threw all of my creative pursuits out of the window. I managed a couple of bloomer commissions during October (with difficulty. The fatigue was real, and working for an hour required a day's recovery from it) but otherwise, most things got neglected. It sucked wanting to see people, socialise, and experience my favourite season, but not being able to. Still, being laid up in bed with too much light sensitivity to check social media gave me a lot of time to think, which did me a world of good after spending so much of the year feeling like I was going at 100mph. It sounds strange, but I feel quite refreshed after that bout of illness, and ready to take on what's left of this year.

I thought I'd do a couple of catch up posts talking about a few things that I have been up to this season so far, before I got ill, and after. 

So, prior to falling ill...

Not too long after my last post was the Minori Tea Party at the start of October. I wasn't feeling amazingly that day, and the weather was grey and drizzly. Feeling a little fatigued, I headed to the Grange White Hall Hotel, for afternoon tea. 

It's just on the other side of Russel Square, which was beginning to look autumnal.

The food was a lot better than I expected. I thought it wouldn't be up to much due to the fact it would be served buffet style, but it was actually a very large spread, and everyone was able to have seconds and thirds etc, if they felt so inclined. 

I particularly enjoyed the sandwiches, and ended up having seconds! There were some good vegetarian options, too, which tasted great!

I'll let you in on something-- I'm very apathetic when it comes to meeting "celebrities" or "famous" people. I've yet to feel truly starstruck, or excited to meet someone in the same way I know other people can be. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing; I think it's important to remain grounded about the fact that no matter how well-known someone is, they're still just another person like you at the end of the day! I've met Minori once before at Enchanted in 2014, and she's pretty chill-- you never get the sense that she sees herself as being above anyone else, and I couldn't help thinking she just wished she shared a language with us so she could hang out like any other attendee and relax with people! I think it would be cool to meet some of these Japanese guests we get at these J-fashion events in a different, less stuffy setting, as like I said before... I don't really get the whole "meet and greet" thing.

This lighting does me absolutely no favours, but we endure. I felt like a giant compared to her! Minori's look was very intricate as ever, and I was amazed by how big her false eyelashes were!

The hotel had a small astro-turfed courtyard where we took a group photo, and later on, I was able to sneak off with Reina and Charlie for our own outfit photos in natural lighting. On the way, there was a surreal moment where I was accosted by a few people telling me that I should make bloomers with pockets. Well, I'll definitely think about it!

I went for something a little different than usual, with my Meta Vintage Cameo jumperskirt. I don't wear it too much as I'm not classically inclined, really, and see it as more of a normie piece. But it was nice to have a change, even if I did miss the more cutesy themes of my usual pieces!

We managed to get a group picture once back indoors. The lighting in the room wasn't great, but this still turned out pretty cute! Shame I didn't match the purple theme going on here! Their outfits were so lovely!

After our little photoshoot, it was more or less time for the raffle. I didn't win anything in the end, but that was to be expected. I've never been known for having much luck where these things are concerned! Some of the prizes were really decent, and I hadn't expected there to be so many.

Over the course of the day, we'd all been writing messages and adding stickers to a book to give to Minori as a gift. She had an interpreter with her, but it must be difficult to be in an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by people you don't share a language with. She coped with this with so much grace, and overall seemed very good-natured.

The event started to wrap up as daylight began to fade outside, and I headed off with Reina and Charlie to Covent Garden for a mooch around. On our way, we found ourselves surrounded by people dressed as zombies, fake blood and latex injuries included. I wouldn't have minded, were it not for the fact it all seemed in very poor taste given the fact there had been a terror attack that very same day, plus the fact they kept growling as they walked past us, or breathing creepily at us. By all means, dress up how you want, do whatever it is you want to get your kicks, but don't involve people who haven't consented to your nonsense. It was the final straw for me when one of the zombies deliberately staggered close to me-- and ended up smearing fake blood on my white bag despite my best efforts to step out of the way. Thankfully, this wiped off without too much hassle, but I couldn't help feeling pissed off about the complete lack of  respect for other people displayed by these zombie prats.

It was with some relief we finally made it to Art Box, and I couldn't help feeling immediately better once surrounded by all the kawaii stationery and lifestyle accessories! After a trip into a very crowded Forbidden Planet, we finally decided to head home. 

Overall, the tea party felt very stuffy and low energy compared with DMC, where the entire day had felt like a chilled out party or something. I don't suppose it helped that I was feeling a bit ill, and the heat of the room wasn't helping matters! There was also an atmosphere of "post-Tea Party Club" uncertainty lingering in the air, with this being the first London event since DMC. Still, it was lovely to hang out with friends, the food was great (I actually wish I'd taken some home with me!), and Raven organised everything so well that the event actually wrapped up a little early! She did an excellent job!

"Let's get a group selfie!" *Instax develops to reveal a picture that mainly consists of my face*

How do you guys feel about "celebrities" or "meet and greets"? Have you ever been harassed in the street in the name of other people's fun? Been to any tea parties lately? Been in poor health? Let's catch up! I'd love to hear about it all in the comments!

Thank you so much for reading. See you next time! ❤

Dream Masquerade Carnival 🎠 Part 2: The End.

Day two of DMC was a lot more relaxed. The tea party started much later in the day than the Saturday event, and the fact I wouldn't have to do any organising or vending meant that I felt more calm. Too calm, perhaps, because I fell into bed the night before without really thinking through what I would be wearing the following day.

The tea party is when people really ramp it up a notch, as this is the day when the special guests make their decision about who should be awarded a prize for best outfit. I knew that some people had been planning their coordinates months in advance. Me? I grabbed something that morning and headed to the train station. I wore Dreaming Macaron-- a cute, fruit-themed print that I figured would be pleasant on such a hot, sunny day. In the last minute decision making, I didn't coordinate the dress as well as I knew I could have, but honestly, I didn't really care. Looking a bit ita was very much secondary to the fact this would be my first time going to a big tea party like this, and absolutely nothing could dampen my excitement!

I arrived right on time, and found myself at One Whitehall Place, the same venue as Frock On! 4 years previously. That sense of things coming full circle embraced me as I stepped into that familiar lobby, with its winding staircase at the back. Instead of heading upstairs, though, I was advised to go down, and found a crowded, talkative room of lolitas in a basement waiting area. I chatted to a few people, before it was finally time to be seated. Most unexpectedly (for me, at least), there was a mini-stampede as everyone pushed and shoved to be as close to the front of the queue as possible. I was actually separated from my friends because people barged in front of me. Thankfully, my pals promised to save me a seat and went on ahead.

The tea party room was large but very crowded. It was difficult to move between the tables, and I felt that too many tickets had been sold. There were people who I didn't get to speak to because it was simply too difficult at times to make my way across the room to talk to them! It took a bit of manoeuvring for me to merely claim my saved seat, and I felt tired at the thought of having to leave it again! I particularly felt for the wait staff. They did an amazing job of keeping us all topped up with tea, despite the space constraints.

There was an assortment of small gifts laid out on the tables. I claimed my pieces and we sat chatting, waiting for something to happen. Nothing did, so we got up to take pictures, to mingle with the other attendees, and generally relax.

My table! We were given badges, fans, and hair accessories. As well as food, of course. Look at those pretty sandwiches!

After a while, it was time for everybody to settle down for food. I quite enjoyed the afternoon tea-- the sandwiches had particularly nice fillings, and thee were enough provided to go round for everyone. Our table didn't seem to have very many desserts, though, so all I ended up with was a slither of carrot cake-- not that I'm complaining! I was very content! The only tea choice was breakfast tea, though, which was slightly disappointing as I'm an earl grey girl through and through! Bizarrely, an announcement was made as soon as we started eating that we would now all need to go take the group photo. I couldn't be bothered: I'd been in the group photo in the past and never really felt excited by the tiny brown blob that was my face way at the back each time. I continued to eat instead, and it was nice having the room a little emptier for a while. You can see who was on my table in this little clip of Charlie's video about the event! (can't lie, I really enjoy the rare occasion I get filmed by other people because I look much better on film than in pictures!)

It was wonderful to chat to some new people, and catch up with old friends. Not even getting my dress tulle stuck between two chairs, causing it to tear, affected my day too drastically (I'm thinking fabric glue will fix this little issue). Once upon a time I would have felt so anxious, and not made the most of the event. This time, though, I felt so in my element, and just enjoyed being there, being a lolita, and being part of this community. The day was such a whirlwind that I didn't really remember to take pictures. I actually filmed a lot of the weekend, though. Whether or not I will be able to create a decent event report out of this dodgy quality footage is another matter entirely, but we'll see!

Not my best look, complete with harsh sunshine to create a delightfully unflattering image, but whatever, haha.

Towards the end of the event, Kyra announced the end of the Tea Party Club, something I'd seen coming many months back. Regardless, it still felt like such a bittersweet moment. I completely understood why she did it, and I felt so privileged to have been there to see it go out with a bang. 

The Tea Party Club gave me a social life. It introduced me to people I never would have met otherwise, who I share real hobbies and interests with. How different would my life be had I not joined the LiveJournal way back when I was sixteen years old? It doesn't bear thinking about! But I've grown and changed so much since then, and so has the Tea Party Club. As painful as it can be to move on, to leave the past and your old self behind, it can also be rewarding and refreshing, and I have no doubt that while this era comes to an end, something new is just around the corner.

I didn't win anything in the raffle, and as the event had overrun by half an hour, I had to leg it to catch my 6 o'clock train home. I made it with mere minutes to spare, and couldn't help give myself a pat on the back for this impressive feat!

So, that was my Run DMC weekend! I think back on it often, because it truly is such a happy memory, and makes me feel so cheerful and positive inside! I know for sure that it will stay with me for years to come ❤